I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
