Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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