Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
