somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
