remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
