I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
