I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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