The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
