Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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