you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
