He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
