My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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