Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
