so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
