the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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