and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
