i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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