I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
