i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
