tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
