I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
