Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
