Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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