i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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