I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
