I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
