i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
