you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
