There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
