you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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