Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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