you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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