I didn't shave. On purpose
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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