if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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