As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
