I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
