i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
