Umm I'm too high to move.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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