I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
