Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
