the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
