I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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