and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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