bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
