it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
