That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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