Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
