They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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