I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
