I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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