Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
