yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
